You may have recently seen a lot of press activity surround Direct Cremation, but if your loved one chooses this option - what does that mean for you and your family?
Direct Cremation is where the deceased is taken by a Funeral Director or private company to a crematorium and cremation takes place. There is no service and no one attends. The ashes of the deceased are then returned to the appropriate family member or appointed person. This has its positives of course. First, and one of the leading reasons is because of cost. A direct cremation is almost always the cheapest of the options available.
Other reasons include the deceased having previously indicated this is what they wanted, perhaps they are a very private person or it is a family decision that this would be in the best interests of all concerned.
I am not against Direct Cremation, I feel everyone should have the ability to choose what they feel is right for themselves or their loved ones.
But what if your loved one chose Direct Cremation and this doesn't sit well with you?
Depending on how the deceased recorded their wishes, you may have to accept their decision and in very general terms most of us will uphold the instructions given by our loved ones.
However, an increasing amount of families are concerned that the choice of direct cremation was made due to misleading information and concerns over expense and preventing worry for their loved ones, sadly, without realising the impact of their decision on those left behind.
Whilst I would not encourage anyone to go against a cremation in this way, for those who feel they have not been able to say farewell in a positive manner, there are ways to still have the healthy farewell that so many of us need as a part of our walk with bereavement and grief. For generations funerals have taken place as a part of that farewell and grieving process.
So what are your options?
Assuming you go ahead with direct cremation, I offer families two different types of service.
Interment of ashes.
We plan the content of the service together and then meet either at the place of your choosing (assuming the correct permissions have been sought) and have a service similar to that of a burial. We include any music, readings and poems that you are drawn to along with a short eulogy or tributes to the deceased and their remains are then interred. As with a burial, we are outdoors, so naturally these services tend to be a little shorter in length.
- Please note that if the interment of ashes is in a crematorium garden we will need to make the staff aware so that they can allow the necessary time. Also, we may have to keep the noise of any music to a minimum level.
Memorial Service
Generally these are held indoors in a private venue. This could be your home, a local hall, or at a privately hired Crematorium or Funeral Directors chapel (if available), they could also be outdoors but as they are often longer than an interment service they tend to be in a covered area or room of some description.
A memorial service is more in keeping with a funeral. There is no coffin present, although often the deceased's ashes (cremated remains) are present.
We would meet to plan the memorial service in a similar way to that of a funeral. Music is usually a feature along with a eulogy or tribute(s) to the deceased and can include as little or as much content as you wish, including any readings or poems.
In both of the above options, I include and uphold any religious or spiritual content that you wish to have. However, if you want an interment in a church yard or a service in a clergy led venue. you will need to discuss with your local minister.
Please get in touch if you would like to discuss.
With love
Amanda Jane x
