Grief - is ultimately, the  price we pay for love. For losing someone we love is a wrench like no other. 

Death is never easy to cope with - even when you know it is imminent and even when death can be seen as an angel of mercy, when someone dies it will still come as a shock. 

This blog post is about how we cope with that shock, the grief, the change of life that you never signed up for.   So many times I have heard the saying 'time is a great healer', but in my honest opinion, that isn't true, we don't 'heal', we adjust. We learn a new life, we gather what we have of ourselves (as often we can feel as if we have lost our very selves) and we, in the words of Dory from Finding Nemo - 'just keep swimming', because what else can we do? 

I am not a trained counsellor, I talk only from experience and the experiences shared with me over time. But I know a lot of families I have had the privilege of working alongside found some of these helpful tips useful in the early days, this is all about being gentle, and not doing too much too soon. Self care is so important,  and so I hope some of these tips are of use.
1. Sleep when you can.  Even if it is 10 minutes at a time, let your body and mind rest when they feel able to do so. For the first few weeks do not worry about when you sleep, just take what you can when you can and if you cant sleep try and rest.
2. Eat something.  Easier said than done. It is natural for our bodies to reject the idea of food when we are stressed and grief is one of, if not the worse, type of stress there is.  
People will nag (in your best interests) 'you must eat something', and as well meaning as this is, it doesn't always help.  Don't try and force a roast dinner when you feel physically unwell, just snack as and when you can - little and often, I'm told crackers are great for this! 
3. Talk.  Some of us find talking helpful and we can express ourselves openly and fully, but not everyone feels that they can do this, and not everyone will want to, or feel ready to, talk about the person they have lost.  It is an individual choice. 
Talking about the person who has died is painful, but it is also beautiful - remembering all the wonderful times you have had together, reminiscing, reminding yourself that whilst the person isn't there, the time you have spent together remains.  
Looking at photos can be another way of allowing your brain to unlock, to allow happy times to flow back to you. Others like to write letters or poems to express their feelings or to recall good times.   
4. Grief is allowed!  Do not think that you cannot or should not grieve. Sounds simple but lots of people think they have to move on, have to 'get on with it' and shouldn't be sad. 
5. Know when to ask for help. Whether that is having someone physically come and help you, shopping, cleaning, cooking or personal care etc, or having someone to help you emotionally.  Also, tell people what you need. 
6. Try to avoid self-medication if you can, in the long term this wont be helpful to you. 

Remember that you do not have to face this alone, and you don't have to be super strong!  As well as family and friends there are also professional organisations that can help you, often this starts with a chat to your GP who will put you in touch with either a local bereavement group (sometimes local funeral directors will have details of these) or a national agency, there are many different organisations depending upon your circumstances and where you live. Here is a link to a website with some more information:
https://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/Family-life/bereavement-support/supporting-bereaved-people/furth...

I cannot offer 1:1 bereavement or grief advice or counselling as I am not trained nor qualified to do so.  I just hope that something in the above is of use to anyone who has recently had to face bereavement. 
For any questions or comments please check out my Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/amandajaneceremonies/ or feel free to call me. 

With Love, Amanda Jane x