I have been working with more lovely families this week from all over North Devon, specifically Barnstaple, Bideford, Torrington, Appledore and South Molton, helping them to create meaningful and bespoke funeral services.  That last farewell is so important and when it is done in line with the families wishes can help to ease some of the pain that the family and friends go through.  And so this leads me on to my lesson for this week, and its not a new lesson but is definitely a reminder that I want to bring you all back to.  HOW do your loved ones know what is the right goodbye for you?  I hear over and over again families saying along the lines of, 'he said chuck me in the river, he wont be there to care, but now I have to try and work out what is the right service for him, where do I start?'   So I want you to consider your family. YOU can make your funeral easier on them if they know what your wishes are.  So here is what you need to consider:
1. Do you want to be buried or cremated. Under UK law at this time those are your two main options (Alkaline Hydrolysis is not widely available in the UK). If you opt for burial do you want a standard burial or a green burial?
2.Do you want a specific Funeral Director?  If so, let your family know.  You do not have to have one, but the preparation, storing and moving of the deceased is a lot harder without them, also they are really good for taking away the stress of all of the arrangements.
3. What kind of coffin do you want? Cardboard, wood, plain or one with images on it? Wicker? Wool?
4. Where do you want your service?  You do not have to have the service in a church, chapel or Crematorium. You can have the service anywhere that the coffin will be hosted and that is accessible.  So, if you want your service at the local football ground, as long as they will allow the coffin to be present then you can have your service there.
5. Who do you want to officiate at your service - you have options. If you are a religious person you would probably (although not always) want a member of the clergy to officiate at your funeral, Their service will be about your relationship with God and the words of the religion that confirm this.  If you do not want any religion or any spiritual content then you might like a Humanist. They believe that there is nothing other than the life we live, we are born, we die and that is it - so they will not sing hymns or say prayers or mention any kind of afterlife or that you are 'back with' someone who has already passed away. Your third option is a Celebrant, a Civil Funeral Celebrant can include as little or as much religious or spiritual content as you wish. Most importantly our services are focused on the life of the deceased person. 
6. Orders of Service - do you want any? Do you want to make them yourself or have the Funeral Director do this for you?
7. Flowers - do you want them? What will happen to them afterwards? If you have arrangements rather than wreaths these can be more easily re-arranged afterwards.  (This is more for cremation than burial)
8. Transport - how do you want to arrive, a standard hearse is not your only option. Motorcycle sidecar hearses, horse drawn hearses or VW camper vans are just a few of your options - if you are linked to transport you could even arrive on something specific to that - as long as the coffin is easily accessible. How will the family get there, would you like them in their own cars or a limo?
9. Music, this is the one I get asked about a LOT - what music should we play?  Try and leave an indication of at least 3 pieces of music you would like to be played.  And yes I have heard some odd requests and I have even had a family singing karaoke!
10. Do you want any hymns or prayers?  90% of the families I work with ask for the Lords Prayer but do not want a fully religious service. A celebrant can give you that balance, but if you don't want us to say any prayers for you - make sure your family knows.
11. Dress code - do you want everyone to wear a certain colour?
12. Would you like a photo present at the Catafalque (where the coffin sits). A lot of Crematorium chapels also offer the facilities to have slideshows of photos or videos played during the service, so you could even record your own video to play to those at your service. You could have this arranged for an alternative venue too.
12. Donations - do you want donations to be taken on the day? If yes, which charity would you like the money to go to?
13. Gathering - do you want a wake? If so where? Do you want to put a 'round in' for everyone so they can have a drink on you?
14. Finally and very importantly for those left behind, how much is this all going to cost and how will it be paid for?  If you are able to make some provision for your funeral this will help to relieve your loved ones of the financial burden.

Dying matters is a fantastic source of information on all things death related so I recommend you check out their website.

So lots to think about.  If you want to talk to me about any of this, perhaps you want to consider your own funeral (I do help those with life-limiting illnesses) or if you just want to know more about your options then check out my website and facebook page. With Love, Amanda Jane x
http://www.amandajaneceremonies.co.uk/funeralcelebrant
https://www.facebook.com/amandajaneceremonies/